Sex, sex, SEX!
Our world is obsessed with sex, I don’t think this comes as a secret to anyone.
So why is it that married couples -who should be experiencing the best sex- usually have a pretty lame sex life?
The more that I have opened up about this topic and shared some of the struggles we’ve been through, and how we’ve gotten to where we are now, the more I’ve heard from you.
So many women who are experiencing unfulfilling or boring sex lives. So many marriages that are hurting because they’re not experiencing the intimacy that they desire. Sadly, this is not uncommon friends! If you’re going through rough patch in your marriage, first off, know that you’re not alone! Second, please remember that there is always hope!
Actually, personally my husband and I have been through many rough patches over the years! Which is why I am so thrilled to be partnering with Intimately Us today to share more on this topic! Intimately Us is an app that helps married couples get, well, INTIMATE! And in more ways that just one!
If you’ve been struggling in your marriage or even are just looking to keep things FRESH, this is the blog post for you!
*This blog post is sponsored by Intimately Us, but as always, all thoughts and opinions are my own.
Intimacy > Sex
While sex is a part of intimacy, there is so much more to true intimacy than just a sexual experience!
I think this is often why people feel unfulfilled in their marital relationships. Because even if you’re having mind-blowing sex, if you’re not truly intimate with your partner, then you’re missing out on the depths of true connection.
Maybe part of the reason that we get confused by the term intimacy, is that you often hear sex being referred to as being “intimate” with someone, and awhile yes, they can go hand-in-hand, that’s not all there is! Could it possibly be that our sex obsessed culture that specializes in sappy rom-coms may have set us up for failure from the start?
And hear me! I’m not knocking romantic movies…I love a good heart throb as much as the next girl, but, I’m just posing the question, is hot steamy sex all there is when it comes to achieving that true intimacy that we crave?
According to the dictionary, Intimacy is defined as;
close familiarity or friendship; closeness.
a private cozy atmosphere.
an intimate act, especially sexual intercourse
Hmmmm so maybe there is more to sex than a hot and steamy romp in the shower!
Once Upon a Time
I was an 18 year old girl who married the first boy she ever fell in love with.
Nothing wrong with that, actually, getting married young does come with it’s many perks (hello smoking hot bikini body!). But it also came with some serious drawbacks; like that fact that I was still a teenager when I got married, and whether I realized it or not, I still talked and acted like one too.
I didn’t realize the magnitude of the commitment I was entering into (I mean really, does anyone?).
‘Till death do us part’ sounded suuuuuuper romantic until rubber-hit-the-road shortly after we got married and we started experiencing some difficulties. Almost as soon as we arrived home from our honeymoon we ran into our first lovers “spat” and it was a rude awakening for me to say the least.
One of the main things that we came up against in those early days is that neither of us truly knew how to communicate. We were trapped in our own little bubbles of immaturity and couldn’t find the way out to be able to connect.
Of course in my immature thinking I thought more sex would be the answer to bring us closer. I read every Cosmo magazine I could get my hands on and I followed ALL the advice on how to entice your man *face palm*
It didn’t work.
Actually, instead it left me feeling more hollow inside than ever.
Man what I wouldn’t give to be able to go back and give myself a few pointers!
It’s funny, but in my naive thinking, I actually somewhat made matters worse between us. Sex can only act as a flimsy bandaid if the foundation of your marriage is rocky.
Fast Forward to the Present
Here I am, 13 years and 5 kids later, not exactly bikini body ready, but we’re having the best sex of our lives. I mean not to get graphic or anything but like wow, truly WOW! If I had only known then that sex in itself is not true intimacy and that marriages won’t thrive unless both parties are invested 100%!
While thinking over this topic and trying to put a finger on “what changed” over the years, I didn’t really hit on anything until Jeremy and I started going through the Intimately Us app together.
As we read the conversation starters, dreamed together, learned together, went on adventures, etc…And suddenly I had that little light bulb moment. Oh duh! It’s intimacy! True intimacy!
Because while anyone can have good sex, but great sex happens between two people radically committed to loving one another no matter what.
While we’ve learned a lot of things over the years, one of the biggest things that we’ve learned is to trust one another. To talk through the hard things. And to lean into each other for everything; good and bad.
What I didn’t know as an 18 year old, trapped in my own head and too afraid to talk to the man I married, is that true intimacy starts with a heart connect. It’s so much deeper than saying “I love you” or having hot sex. While both those things are fantastic additions to intimacy, the foundation of any relationship should be good communication and mutual love and respect.
And here’s the deal friend, if you’re not experiencing mind-blowing sexual encounters with your man, don’t worry! There are ways to fix that! But before you head to Cosmo like I did, take a good look at how your heart is doing and maybe reevaluate your connection as a couple first.
Not only that, but PLEASE carefully guard your heart and mind! So many of the sex “help” information out there is not made for married couples or to help foster a deeper relationship. To be honest, most of the “advice” you’ll receive is just cheap, sensationalist pieces meant to sell magazines. So choose your relationship help carefully!
One of the things I’ve most loved and appreciated about Intimately Us is that it’s a faith based app designed for married couples. While it covers everything under the sun; bedroom games, sex tips, romantic life questions, intimate education, etc, it does it in a clean and healthy manner that is safe for married couples.
Oh trust me, you’ll walk away feeling excited and ready to hit the hay -but only in a way that you’ll be fired up for your man, does that make sense?
Let’s Cover the Basics
While we’re chatting about Intimately Us, let’s just cover some of the basics of the app, shall we? Mainly because I feel like I need to explain the comment above a little bit 🤣
So first off you can sync up your app with your man, and it will customize all the prompts with his name! I just love that! As soon as you open the app a daily challenge will pop up; they range from simple to things that might take a little thought and effort, but they’re all fun ideas to thrill your spouse.
From the main page you can pursue many different things like sexy bedroom games, date nights ideas, a “sexploration” list *wiggles eyebrows*, conversation starters and more. They even have an intimacy calendar to help you keep track of your sexy fun time; because ladies, let’s be honest, sometimes I don’t always realize how much time has gone between us getting it on -ya know? It’s not like I’m intentionally trying to avoid the deed, it’s just sometimes mom life is on fast forward! So the Intimately Us app has been helping me stay on top of my game, if you know what I mean lol
Oh, and did I mention there is a learning section too? Ummmmm, let’s just say this section is JAM PACKED with amazing information! Again, non of it is crude or raunchy; it’s laid out in a classy manner that will educate without leading your mind to places it shouldn’t go. Some of the techniques and details they include in their articles were totally new to me; here I am 13 years in and I’m all “what the heck is a frenulum?” Girls….I’ll let you go ahead and download the app and figure that one out for yourselves 😉
In short friends, if you’re newly married, have been married a decade, or are approaching a century, this is the app for you! It is especially designed with married couples in mind to help foster true intimacy and help you go deeper as a couple….In more ways than one!
I hope you’ll give it a try and let me know what you think! It’s free to download and I think you and your special someone are going to love it!
Lastly, if you want to see the app in action, go check out this YouTube video that Jeremy and I did! We tried out one of the date night suggestions from Intimately Us and also walk you through a look at the app and how we use it!
Hopefully at this point you’re feeling more than inspired to breathe some fresh life into your marriage; because that’s exactly what Intimately Us is going to do for you! And if you have questions or want to talk about getting your mojo back in the bedroom, feel free to DM me! My inbox is always open and I’m here to help however I can!
With love and expectation for your marriage,